I'd Rather Walk

I don't own a car. I never have. I might someday but I don't see it happening any time soon. I hold a resentment for people in cars. Not because I don't have one but because most people are assholes. Therefore most people in cars are assholes. You wrap an asshole in a hurling hunk of metal and well... you see where I'm going with this. It's pretty much the same place I'm going whenever I talk about anything that involves people. That place being -> I don't like people.

I walk. I walk to work. I walk to the store. I walk to your momma's house and violate her. Yeah that's right, that was me. What the fuck you gonna do about it? I walk because I have to. But just because I walk out of necessity doesn't mean that I can't enjoy it. I like getting the exorcise and I like having that time everyday to myself. It's calming. I get to breathe in the air, feel the wind, see the birds flying around, and watch the sunrise or set depending on my schedule. You might not guess this about me but I actually love these little moments. I try my best to find beauty in the world. Nobody seems to understand this. Most everyone I know feels sorry for me because I have to walk. If they had to walk everyday they'd fucking kill themselves, so they say. It's too painful for their fat, lazy, spoiled brains to even think about. But what really baffles them is when they offer me a ride and I turn them down. "No thanks, I'd rather walk." I've had people get really offended even mad at me for turning down a ride. "Sorry to inconvenience you by not making you drive me around." Since walking is apparently more excruciatingly painful than getting your face cheese grated off I must despise them if I'd rather endure this horror than spend time with their lonely, sad selves. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it sucks. When I'm really tired or I have a gimp leg (like I do right now), or when it's really hot or raining. But I still usually prefer it. What can I say I'm a freak I guess. You want to know something though? If I can be totally honest for a second, I just don't want to have talk to you. But the thing that I love best of all and even look forward to is that I get quality time with my headphones. I listen to music all day at home but the headphones are the key here. I've had countless emotionally overwhelming moments all alone on these walks. Moments of real connection and self discovery and inspiration. Music is beyond important to me. I know that sounds pretentious and annoying. Believe me, I hate people that say asinine things like "I love music." There are so many people that see listening to music as some sort of competition. I don't pretend to know a lot about music. And I'm aware that my repertoire is greatly lacking but I don't give a shit about all that. I just know that there are some songs by some artists that make me feel alive. I get to drown out the world while I'm most at one with it.

What was my original point? ....Oh yeah, HATE.

People who yell things from their cars need to die.

Condense, Simplify

I've been sitting on this poem forever. I've been trying to make it into a song but I haven't been able to yet. I can't come up with a melody and I don't know how I want to sing it or if I want to add a chorus and I have no idea what to do on the guitar or if I want it to be soft or heavy or... whatever. I'm at a loss with it. I still plan to song-a-size it but I just had this urge to do something with it right now. This was all I could come up with. Putting it up on my stupid word blog and tweeting about it.

I just had to look up the correct way to "ing" the word "put" it's not puting it's putting but that makes me think of golf so I want to put puting. I'll stop now, I swear.


Condense, Simplify 
--------------------------

Poetic thoughts, Stylized nonsense
So distraught and on the defense
Corruption, cover-ups, conspiracy
As a form of group therapy
Line drawn around my comfort zone
I'm okay as long as my cover's not blown
You may talk like a boy but you fuck like a girl
Well let's give it a go and see what unfurls

Condense, Simplify

Speak up, Talk down
Quality time is best spent alone
My most irrational fear
Is that other people can hear my thoughts
Not because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me
But because it's a total invasion of privacy
Sensory deprivation, Enhanced imagination
Scared of losing vision not sight
Let's go back in time
And read sheet music by candle light

Condense, Simplify

Men who dine on currency
Women who submit to ideology
Isolate, Concentrate, Penetrate
Congregate, Participate, Disintegrate
Act nonchalant cause you're in the know
A crooked smile and an angelic glow
Misleading demeanor, I can take rejection
You look better with your clothes on
Filled with self doubt
I'm trying to phase myself out

Condense, Simplify

Sex change, Birth control
Dos and don'ts, Gender roles
Whores and cunts, Tramps and sluts
Genetic make up, Time to wake up
Unapologetically charismatic
Self destructively apathetic
80% water, 70% tears
Abrasive and classless
She carries her worth between her legs.

I'm The Kind Of Girl Who...

I'm the kind of girl who...
      has never been to a restaurant or movie or concert alone.
      has a collection of ex best friends.
      loves clothes but doesn't give a shit about designers.
      used to pride herself in the fact that she didn't wear
                makeup but now can't leave the house without
                at least eyeliner on.
      uses a power drill on a daily basis.
      spends days making paintings that no one sees.
      kills herself writing songs no one has heard.
      wants so desperately to be a singer but is just too scared.
      cuts all of her hair off on a whim and doesn't look back.
      has never been to a salon.
      doesn't believe in a god.
      has no feelings of spirituality but has had what one might
                call religious experiences all alone with a pair
                of headphones.
      spent so much of her youth in a church.
      is a hopeless believer in love.
      has only ever kissed, fucked, and loved one person.
      never wants to be a wife.
      has had her heart broken countless times
                but not for reasons you'd think.
      didn't picture her life like this, but then again,
                didn't picture it any other way either.
      doesn't have enough confidence to be as pretentious as
                she could be.
      rarely ever really looks at other people.
      has no problem telling anyone anything.
      can count the people she trusts on one finger.
      will never eat meat again.
      is unapologetic for being who she is.
      doesn't have much interest in socializing.
      has a thing for men in make up.
      falls in love with songs and albums and bands.
      has always been poor.
      puts more value in moments than money.
      has never been to the doctor and is not proud of this fact.
      is seriously lacking in ambition.
      is so horribly naive in so many ways.
      still calls herself a girl even though she is a
                 25 year old woman.
      sometimes seriously wishes she was a gay boy.
      (whose) bad mood can be turned around by a beautiful song.
      (whose) good day can be ruined by one brief encounter
                 with another person.
      probably wouldn't even care if most of the people she knew
                died but cries her eyes out over a video of a girl she's
                never met dying in the streets of Iran.
      doesn't have a drivers license and doesn't particularly care
                if she ever gets one.
      never wants to give birth.
      gets hopeless crushes on rockstars.
      is a total sucker for androgynous boys with guitars.
      lets small things drive her crazy and lets big things go
                without a second thought.
      doesn't go out to bars because she doesn't see drinking as
                doing something.
      really enjoys a good wine.
      has cried real tears uncontrollably while listening to
                Nine Inch Nails and is totally ashamed to admit it.
      (whose) favorite sound is currently Brian Molko's voice.
      hates telephones.
      is dying to hear new music from Silverchair.
      gets chills every time she hears the opening chords to
                All Apologies. (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
      walks...a lot.
      makes shorts out of her old pants.
      puts white paint on black shirts.
      absolutely needs a pair of gold cowboy boots.
      pierces her own ears with a sewing needle.
      is dead set on getting a giant back tattoo for her birthday
                but has no idea of what yet.
      as a child was deathly afraid of needles.
      is not so much determined more attempting to make this
                the best year of her life so far.
      would rather struggle on her own than rely on another person.
      is worried she might be having a midlife crisis.
      is the queen of procrastination
      is the god of hyperbole
      couldn't live without nylons, fishnets, thigh-highs,
                and fancy socks.
      can't keep a clean house. She's tried honest.
                She's just not cut out for it.
      can't throw anything away
      takes pictures of everything.
      is now late for work because she lost track of time
                while typing this up. Shit.
      can never tell if someone is flirting with her.
      (whose) guilty pleasure is brainless action movies
                with 'splosions.
      misses the ocean.
      some days just really can't take it anymore.
      despises other people's advice.
      rarely ever loses her temper.
      recently discovered the deliciousness that is falafel.
      daydreams constantly.
      should be doing her laundry but instead is doing this.
      always has chipped nail polish on.
      is prone to mood swings.
      is okay. No really I'm fine, don't worry.
      gets obsessed.
      adores her dog.
      just doesn't understand why so many things are the way
                they are.
      watches way too many movies.
      is terrible at feigning interest.
      doesn't think anyone is interested in what she has to say
                or offer.
      thinks she's less interesting than people think she is
                when in actuality is probably more.
      doesn't know how to ask for help.
      writes letters but never mails them.
      feels out of place.
      doesn't mean to but often seems to give off
                the wrong impression.
      loves coffee.
      writes stupid poems about herself while at work to
                take her mind off her shitty job and then goes home
                and puts them on the internet.
      hates having to explain herself.